Even though it’s been used in movies, picking a daisy isn’t the best way to know if a person really loves you. Trying to glimpse one’s feelings is not good either, because it requires an interpretation in which it is very easy to get wrong. There’s no point even asking: even if your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore, he’ll respond with a resounding “yes.”
According to psychologist John Gotman, one of the most renowned couples therapists, only the behavior of our loved one can give us a true sign of how he or she feels about us. When we are in love, it is very easy to make misunderstandings: words are never as precise as they should be, and what is a compliment to one partner can be an insult to the other. That is why the only thing we can trust is what our partner actually does, the daily actions, which we must examine with purely objective criteria.
When we are in love, it is very easy to make misunderstandings: words are never as precise as they should be.
Psychologist Susan Krauss has compiled 11 clues that, according to Gotman’s theory, can help us know our partner’s real feelings. Fine words are not enough. What matters are the facts. And, while all couples fail to meet certain things from time to time, if you find that your loved one is failing at most of them, or if you think it’s you who is failing continually, you should start thinking that something is wrong in your relationship.
1. wants to spend time with you
When we love another person, we want to spend time with them. This doesn’t mean we have to be with our partner all the time, but we will make an effort to spend time alone, even if work, family, and other commitments make it difficult. If your partner is truly making sacrifices to spend more time with you, then he or she loves you.
According to the new theory of marriage, the amount of time a couple spends alone together is the best indicator of the health of the relationship.
2. He asks you how your day was
It seems like a no-brainer, but not everyone cares about their partner’s day. Deep down, you may not be very interested in the stories your loved one tells you about their work, but if you really love them, you will be interested. Love is not built on the ethereal, but on the practical: our partner must be concerned about our daily problems and help us overcome them. If he or she ignores them, he or she probably doesn’t love you enough.
Communication is the key to the health of a couple.
3. Trust yourself
Without trust, it is impossible for a relationship to last: if someone truly loves you, they will always give you the benefit of the doubt and will not question your honesty. In general, all situations of jealousy or suspicion of lack of honesty on the other’s part come from small misunderstandings that were not resolved in time. Sooner or later, all couples experience problems like this. Couples who last over time are those who know how to deal with distrust as soon as it appears, by discussing the situation openly and nipping it in the bud. The more distrust there is, the less love there is.
Lack of trust is one of the best indicators that something is not working in a relationship.
4. He helps you when you need it
Again, to appreciate a person’s love for us, we must put our feet on the ground. It doesn’t matter if our partner tells us all the time how much they love us if they aren’t able to help us when we need it. The burden of our daily lives is a burden that has no great rewards: the effort your partner makes to help you is a much more important proof of love than the wonderful gift he gave you for your birthday.
Unfortunately, the strongest men don’t always have the upper hand. According to several studies, women are more attracted (sexually) to men who neither sweep nor mop the floor.
5. Respect your opinions
Although common interests are important to a couple’s health, it is not necessary that lovers share the same political views or musical tastes. What is necessary is that they respect and value each other’s opinions. Treating our partner’s opinion without respect, or belittling their point of view on something, is not the best sign of love we can offer.
The stability of couples and the success of romantic relationships in general are based on the reciprocity of positive attitudes between the two partners.
6. Include you in their decisions
In a romantic relationship, it is important that each party maintains some independence, but there are certain decisions we should not make without consulting our partner. Indeed, especially if the couple lives under the same roof, any individual decision will affect both people: even if you think otherwise, the way you spend your time and money will have consequences on the relationship. A person who loves you will consult you on important decisions, at least to know what you think.
As surprising as it may seem, financial arguments cause more marital conflict than infidelity, children, household chores or sexual problems.
7. Show your affection physically
Not all couples need the same frequency of sex to function, but all couples need physical contact. Love must be manifested daily in small gestures. If your partner doesn’t show you any affection, they may have stopped loving you.
Physical contact with our lover also encourages us to be more faithful, thanks to the action of oxytocin.
8. He looks at you
The nonverbal language your partner shares with you is essential to knowing their deepest feelings. Some people have difficulty expressing affection verbally, but sometimes a look is much more expressive. Lovers are also able to maintain eye contact that would be too violent between less trusting people.
A look can even arouse sexual desire. In sex, intercourse is perhaps the least important thing. Here are the five best tips for awakening the female libido.
9. He likes to talk to you about the past
Long-term couples who like to remember the past, proud of what they have experienced, maintain a strong bond in the present. If your partner remembers the past moments of your relationship fondly (even if you neglected them), then you are still important to him and he still really loves you.
Memories have other important consequences: Your current partner may also have fond memories of their exes, and it’s very common for reunions with an old flame to end in a way you didn’t expect (and you might not want to).
10. He stands up for you
Does your partner stand up for you when someone criticizes you or does he immediately join in with the attacker? It is very common for couples who have been together for a long time to make fun of each other’s faults, which is all the more worrying if it is done in a group and in the presence of their loved one. This is a clear sign that things are not going well. A person who is still in love will defend their loved one as much as possible.
Before making a negative comment about your partner, ask yourself if it is necessary. This is one of the five things you should avoid saying to your partner if you want to keep him/her.
11. You feel good
Until now, all the clues to whether we are truly loved have been based on our partner’s behavior, but we can feel it in our own flesh. If a person really loves us, it will improve our self-esteem and make us feel good. This doesn’t mean our partner will turn a horrible day at work into a wonderful one, but he or she will make it less bad.
This doesn’t mean we should leave our self-esteem in the hands of our partner. Sensitive people tend to associate with incorrigible egomaniacs, and it’s a fatal combination.
My name is Maggie and I’m a writer for thesilverink.com, a website dedicated to news, culture and lifestyle. I have always been passionate about writing and I decided to make it my profession by becoming a web editor. I work on joehovasmf.com and I mainly take care of the lifestyle section. I like to share my discoveries and my favorites with the readers, whether it’s about fashion, beauty, decoration or gastronomy.