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Fear of being single: How to overcome anuptaphobia?

You may have thoughts in your head like: “I’ll never find someone who loves me the same way again”, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be alone”…

If all these thoughts surround you and you find yourself without a partner, or simply the fear of being alone won’t let you act and end the relationship, we may be dealing with a case of anuptaphobia, or what amounts to the same thing, fear of being without a partner. A problem that could also be common in Spain, where the number of partnerless people (divorced and single) has already reached 36% of the population, or some 14.4 million people, according to a study by IPG Mediabrands.

What is anuptaphobia?

Anuptaphobia, as the name suggests, is a phobia, but in this case associated with the fear of being without a partner. It’s a problem that can affect both couples and singles. A phobia in which the person develops an irrational and uncontrollable fear of being alone, or alone and without a partner to rely on. A situation which, simply by imagining it, already generates a reaction of anxiety, panic and even blockage. Once they’ve found a partner with whom to share their daily lives, sufferers do their utmost to preserve this relationship, even if over time it tends to become routine, monotonous or unfulfilling. All this means that these people have a certain tendency to behave unhealthily within the relationship.

What are the common symptoms of anuptaphobia?

Among the symptoms usually identified in people suffering from anuptaphobia, or fear of being alone, are some common ones such as:

  • Short periods of celibacy or absence of celibacy throughout life.
  • Immediate search for couples who even reach the conclusion of a relationship, overlapping with each other.
  • Negative and extremely catastrophic thoughts about celibacy.
  • Fear, anxiety, physical discomfort, sleep or eating disorders, linked to the worry of not having a partner.
  • Hypervigilance towards the other person, trying to be with them all the time, constantly sending messages or calls to find out where they are or what they’re doing.
  • Obsessive, recurrent thoughts about other couples, focusing attention on how they will get there.
  • Low self-esteem, combined with irrational beliefs about the lack of personal value due to the absence of a partner or about how one’s own value is determined by that of one’s partner.
  • If you have a partner, you prioritize your partner above everything else, including yourself, your job, family and friends.

Causes surrounding the fear of being single

Among the factors that influence people to develop this fear of being without a partner, or anuptaphobia, are certain common fears, insecurities or conditioning factors:

– Social pressure:

The pressure generated by the absence of a partner in some people is directly linked to the social ideal of having a partner. Phrases like “you miss rice” or “at your age, you shouldn’t waste time” only show how society continues to put pressure on the traditional ideal of the family and the idea that simply by getting married or having children, we’ll already have a full life. Ideas and thoughts that only generate even more pressure in some people to find a partner or a partner to share their life with, but are really far from true happiness, which can also be learning to discover and enjoy ourselves, or finding a like-minded partner without pressure and without ceasing to take care of ourselves.

– Emotional dependence:

One of the common features of anuptaphobia is also emotional dependence, which can lead the person to have a tendency to enter into unhealthy, even traumatic relationships, without being able to put an end to them. These people are usually characterized by a great lack of self-confidence, a lack of autonomy, with episodes of separation anxiety, fear of loneliness… All this tends to lead this person to generate control strategies with the other person to make sure your side.

– Precarious attachment:

Another possible cause of anuptaphobia is insecure attachment, due to the fact that the person has not been able to develop within him/herself a secure basis for bonding with others. This has a lot to do with how the person experienced childhood, which is a key stage in personality development and the way we relate to others even in our adult lives. This way of relating and bonding is generally linked to complicated childhood stages, possible traumas, the physical or emotional absence of parents, unhealthy sentimental relationships…

How to overcome anuptaphobia and start having fun

The most important thing is that if you detect that you might be suffering from this type of fear of being single and that it’s causing you uncontrollable feelings of anguish or anxiety, don’t hesitate to put yourself in the hands of an expert psychologist who will be able to listen to you for you and give you the advice best suited to your particular case. In addition to this, it’s essential that you are able to become aware of the situation and accept it. Once you’ve accepted it, it’s time to start taking the first steps towards overcoming it:

  • You’ll need to start identifying and changing your thoughts and beliefs about loneliness, relationships, failure…
  • Learn to enjoy moments with you and without a partner, ensuring quality time alone or with your partner if you have one.
  • Also make time to interact with other people and meet new people, whether you’re in a relationship or single. Take the opportunity to make plans with friends and family and give yourself the chance to meet people.
  • Try to be independent and solve your own problems without waiting for someone else to do it for you. You need to work on your independence.
  • Try to work on your self-esteem and improve your sense of worth from within. This will bring more stability and happiness to your life.