There are countless movies, courses, and recommendations on the subject of relationships, but among all this information: where can you find the magical answers to building and maintaining a relationship that works? Here are the 3 keys that I consider the most relevant.
It begins with you
If there is a magic key, I would say look within, because much of what happens in your relationships has more to do with you than your partner, and the external circumstances that you believe , influence it.
Therefore, investing in your self-knowledge is essential to learning a new way to participate in your relationship and thus achieve better results.
Behind every couple crisis lies a personal crisis for one or both members. We must remember that we all developed, especially during childhood, forms and models of attachment that condition the way we act and react in the emotional relationships that we maintain during adult life.
We have two ways of relating
In reactive mode, our responses (getting angry, distancing ourselves, etc.) do not arise from the current situation or what our partner has done or said, but are automatic reactions that activate something that was already installed in us before.
And what our partner did or said is linked to previous “wounds” that almost all of us have and that, unknowingly, we bring to our relationship (fear of abandonment, feeling of not being enough, etc.). ).
On the contrary, the proactive mode consists of choosing our attitude instead of reacting. It’s about shifting focus and energy away from what our partner does or says and, instead, channeling our gaze toward what we want to achieve in the relationship.
Reactive mode is “pre-installed”, it is something very primitive in us that seeks to ensure survival (not happiness or well-being).
Proactive mode seeks balance and well-being, it is not pre-installed and that is why you have to learn it.
Communication and emotional connection
Communication in a relationship must start with something obvious, even if we don’t do it, that is, listening to understand what the other person feels, thinks or needs.
Another fundamental goal of communication is how your partner feels loved. You may be doing a lot of things that have loving intention, but that may not be what your partner needs to feel loved.
For example: does your partner need to share quality time together? Does she feel loved with gifts or when you help her with certain tasks? Or is it the caresses, hugs and physical contact that make you feel loved?
Asking her is a way to include her in your intention to show her love and will allow you to adapt your actions to make her feel loved.
Often the problem is not a lack of love, but rather ineffective emotional communication to generate connection, that is, consideration of the other party in the relationship.
In conclusion, reviewing your progress in these three key aspects gives you a first clue as to where you can start on the path to building a relationship that works.
I was an intern at the editorial office. When I saw their ad for a freelancer, I decided to come back. I’m a fan of series and movies, I spend my weekends at the cinema and my nights in front of Netflix