In this analysis, we’re faced with the intriguing question of why some couples stay together despite clear signs of crisis in their relationship.
Discover the hidden motives and complex dynamics that can lead some people to stay together, despite the fact that from an outsider’s point of view, it looks like the relationship isn’t working.
The persistence of couples: a surprising paradox
The main reason why there are couples who are together but don’t get along has to do with so-called progression bias. In Western culture, dating is seen as a testing phase for romantic relationships, during which people test each other to see if they’ll fit in over the long term. However, in most cases, people go through different phases of relationship creation without seriously considering whether their partner is the right one for the long term.
When a person doesn’t feel great physical attraction, passion or sexual satisfaction with their partner, it’s advisable to ignore this concern, in the belief that feelings develop over time. The same thing happens when red flags arrive, which are set aside in favor of the other person’s positive qualities. Over time, both have to choose and invest mutually in the relationship, making important decisions such as introducing the couple to friends and family, spending the night together, being faithful to each other, planning future activities, moving in together and/or getting engaged, thus taking steps in your life.
Hidden motivations for staying together
The reason why people stay together even when they don’t seem to be working is that it’s hard to break the bond they’ve acquired. In this sense, it’s important to know that the moment a couple meets is fundamental. If two people become buddies when they’re young, you’ll both fit in if you evolve in the same way, and if that doesn’t happen, that’s when the mismatches occur. However, this doesn’t mean that these mismatches always end in divorce or break-up.
In fact, in relationships, there are other fears that are more present than we think, such as the feeling of abandonment or facing a life in solitude, two fears that play a key role in why some people continue in a relationship despite it being obvious that something isn’t working. What’s more, it also depends to a large extent on how the other person is able to support them.
In addition to the fear of loneliness, there are sometimes other reasons why two people stay together as a couple despite the fact that things aren’t going well for them or that they’ve reached a point where they don’t quite fit in, such as, for example, economic or family reasons for continuing the relationship. And it’s that on many occasions, these aspects are essential, especially when there are children involved, when both parties in the couple may find it more difficult to make the decision to break up.
When breaking up may be the best option
All this means that, faced with certain shortcomings or the absence of total happiness, we cling to the other’s good sides, confident that a change will come without fully accepting the couple. On very few occasions, however, does the other party actually make the expected change in personality or behaviour.
If you find yourself in one of these situations, it’s important to be able to reflect on the sentimental situation you’re suffering from, having to be very clear about the gain that breaking this bond can bring, and not necessarily because you want to get away from them, but rather because life can bring you many other things, always in search of maximum happiness.
This study invites us to reflect on the hidden motives and complex dynamics that can lead some people to stay together, despite the fact that from an outsider’s point of view, it appears that the relationship isn’t working. A couple’s persistence can be influenced by progression biases, deep-seated fears and other reasons such as acquired ties or family obligations. However, it’s important to know when breaking up may be the best option for achieving happiness.
I’m a big fan of short stories about people – I’m a pro at tech and smartphones, serial literature, and writing in my spare time.