Why arguing with your partner shouldn’t always mean “winning”

“The tendency to believe that we are always right is completely normal.”

In a relationship, it is natural to think that our point of view is always the right one, especially during an argument. This is due to the evolution of our brain which has developed defense mechanisms, both physically and psychologically. According to Psychology Today, this bias pushes us to consider our opinion as being the best compared to that of our partner. This is also why, during an argument, we often perceive ourselves as the “good guy” in the story, regardless of the situation.

Behind our conflicts: cognitive bias

“This bias is amplified by a mental mechanism known as fundamental attribution error.”

This constant need to feel validated is exacerbated by the fundamental attribution error. This cognitive mechanism makes us emphasize internal aspects when explaining others’ flaws, while prioritizing external factors for our own mistakes. This tendency, deeply rooted in us, can often make communication with our partner difficult.

Tips for effective communication with your partner

Instead of constantly trying to prove that we are right, let’s seek consensus. Aiming for consensus rather than persuasion may be the solution to reducing this bias during discussions. After all, true “success” in a relationship comes not from being right often, but from finding more harmony with your partner.

“Victory lies in the discovery of greater harmony.”

By better understanding how our minds work, it is possible to move away from this defensive position during an argument. Even if the belief in our own rightness remains strong, it is crucial to learn to listen and understand the other’s point of view. Because, in the end, the truth lies somewhere between our two perceptions.